How to Have Phone Sex That Leads to Real Sex

February 4th, 2014 by Nick Notas 5 Comments

Phone Sex Woman

I have a secret to admit…

I’ve had phone sex with a lot of women.

Since I was a teenager, it’s been with girls that:

  • I barely knew from class or through friends.
  • I had just met and gotten their phone number.
  • I went on a first or second date with.
  • I met on AOL chatrooms or through online video games.

But maybe the bigger secret is…

These were women I had NOT been previously intimate with. I hadn’t even kissed most of them! But they all led to real sex almost immediately after. Even girls from online met up with me in person.

In the age of sexting, phone sex is like forgotten lore. Just typing “phone sex” sounds so 90’s. The last time I’ve actually heard it referenced in the mainstream was during American Pie 2. Even then it was shown to be awkward and unsuccessful.

I’m going to change that perception. I want to prove how phone sex can be an incredibly fun and sensual experience for everyone. That it’s not just for long-distance relationships, but also a great way to ease into a sexual connection with someone you’re still getting to know.

1. Call her later at night

The night is always going to be more sensual. She’s laying back in her PJs, maybe sipping some wine, and usually somewhere private. It’s an environment conducive to romance.

Of course, you can have phone sex during the day if you’ve been dating for a while. But I wouldn’t recommend it for the first time.

2. Take your time

Do not rush the call. I usually speak with women for an hour or more before getting intimate over the phone. You want to genuinely enjoy getting to know her and deepening the connection.

If that’s too much work for you, then please continue Snapchatting girls pictures of your junk. Let me know how that works out for you.

Intimacy requires trust. You can’t expect her to dirty talk with you if she doesn’t feel secure with you.

That said…

3. Keep the conversation positive, playful, and flirtatious

For her to consider having sexy talk with you, she needs to feel attraction towards you. Her mind has to wander into sexual territory. You need to start turning her on.

Treat it like a romantic date. Remember my 80/20 rule – 80% normal conversation, 20% flirting. That means you want to regularly sprinkle in:

These are your litmus tests to gauge her interest.

Start with something lighthearted and playful. As long as she’s responding well (laughing, flirting/teasing back, is still engaged in conversation) progress to being more bold and sexual. If she hesitates or acts indifferent, continue talking for a couple of minutes and then try again.

Remember, you aren’t going to lead it to phone sex by acting like a platonic friend. Think of it as verbal foreplay. She’ll feel safe, comfortable, and turned on like hell – a winning combination.

If you get to the point where you’re talking about sexual topics or making sexual jokes and she’s still happy…

4. Use your seductive voice

Speaking in a lower and slower paced tone will help relax her into the mood. High-pitched sounds don’t turn anyone on – imagine Gilbert Gottfried trying to seduce someone.

You want your voice to be as soft and soothing as possible but still audible. Try to minimize any extreme variances in loudness or speed.

Imagine how you’d speak if you were comforting her from a headache.  Or that kind of husky, deliberate voice you get when you just wake up.

5. Ask her leading questions

Now you want to use that seductive voice to move things toward a more sexual dynamic. You must transition naturally while subtly implying where things are headed.

Simple, logistical questions are the best. The two that have always worked for me are:

“What are you wearing?” and “Where are you right now?”

These are easy questions for her to answer. At the same time, she understands you probably aren’t asking what she’s wearing in the middle of the night for fashion purposes. Women are extremely intuitive.

Immediately, one of two things always happen:

  1. She answers and starts revealing details, “Well…I’m just in bed, laying in a tank top.”
  2. She plays coy, “Hmmm…why do you want to know?”

If you get a response similar to #2, then stand by why you asked.

“I’m trying to imagine what you look like right now.”, “Haha, you’ll just have to find out.”

That’s usually more than enough to get her to tell you or say “okay”. Then roll back into, “So describe it to me.”

Once she answers those initial questions, follow up with the question that kickstarts the session:

“Where are your hands right now?”

Again, if she challenges you, hold your ground, “I want to have some fun with you.” Or “I want to tell you how to use them.”

If she answers that question at all, you are in. She knows this is getting into sexy territory. Now guide her throughout the incredible experience.

6. Take charge and instruct her

Start telling her how to use her hands.

For example if she said, “I’m resting my hand on my leg.” You can reply, “I want you to take your fingertips and run them gently up and down your thighs.”

Every time she accepts your suggestion, continue escalating…

Tell her to run her hands up towards the inside of her thigh. Then over the front of her panties. Then to slide her underwear down. Then to tease around and in between her lips. Then to rub her fingers gently over her clit and so on.

Eventually, you’re going to get to a point where she’s going on her own. She’s breathing deep, moaning hard, and now it’s time to…

7. Tell her how much you want her

You want to reinforce how sexy she is and how you love every second of it. Encourage her to continue indulging in her pleasure.

I always let a girl know things like:

  • “You’re voice is so damn sexy.”
  • “Your moaning is turning me on so much.”
  • “I want to feel your body under me.”
  • “I am so hard/big right now.”
  • “I’m imagining how fucking hot you must look with your fingers up there.”

Show her she can be comfortable and judgment-free with you. If you do that, she’ll be excited to keep sharing her sexual side both over the phone and in-person.

8. Get her to admit her deepest desire

I’ve taught you how to have phone sex with her but how does that lead to real sex with her?

Well, she’s immersed in the moment and really horny for you. So….

Have her admit how she wants sex with you!

  • “Mmm…wouldn’t it feel so incredible if I was there pleasing every part of you?”
  • “Tell how much you want me in you right now.”
  • “What would you want me to do to you if I was there?”
  • “Say it. Say please fuck me [your name].”

This has her confirm it to not only you, but to herself. It makes the idea of having sex together REAL. Getting her to admit her desires over the phone has transferred to in-person romance every single time.

When you see her next, the dynamic shifts completely — it’s now going to be romantic. She’s openly expressed that she wants to be intimate with you. No shame, no ambiguity, just a sexy experience shared between you both.

I’ve walked up to the girl, given her a big hug, and told her how I happy I was to see her. I looked in her eyes and kissed her. Never once has a woman hesitated to kiss me back because we were already past that point.

9. Finish on a high note

Pace yourself, this isn’t a race. Ideally, you want to match her intensity and climax with her. I tell women straight out, “I want to come with you.”

If she tells you to go ahead without her, do so. Some women can’t come easily or in certain situations. Don’t worry, she’s still enjoying herself and you should, too.

When it’s all said and done, talk to her for another few minutes. It shows you weren’t just in it for the phone sex and that things won’t be awkward between you. A lot of times women even fall asleep on the phone after a big orgasm.

Text her the next day and invite her to something. You can even playfully reinforce how much you enjoyed last night with her.

Because of the now established sexual connection, she’s much more likely to see you again and you can kiss her right away or soon into the date. Continue to kiss throughout the date, hook up, and move things towards having sex together for the first time.

  1. Shane on February 4, 2014

    Nick,

    This is all great advice. A big thing I’m wondering about is your 80/20 rule on flirting vs normal chatter. Say I’m flirting way too hard with the girl. How do I pull back on the flirt without making a jarring changeover and looking more awkward than me just continuing to flirt?

    • Nick Notas on February 4, 2014

      Unless she verbally expresses being upset or offended (rare), then don’t worry about it. Apologizing or explaining yourself unnecessarily comes off awkward and can kill the mood.

      Just continue either…

      A. Relating to or asking a deeper question on what you were just talking about.

      or

      B. Branching off into a new topic by asking her a question you’re genuinely interested in or even share a recent/related story.

      Then I’d continue flirting within a few minutes. If she then explicitly states she doesn’t enjoy your advances, she’s probably not interested.

  2. Hunter on February 5, 2014

    Hey Nick
    Great article, i think this works even better for those of us how are too shy to make a intimate move in person providing us with that “phone/screen face” that kinda takes off the social interaction pressure some guys (like me) feel, almost as if to clear way in to something greater!

    Let me ask you, how possible is it to take this and apply it to a friend and not so much of a causal acquaintance? This girl i know from college and am still on good terms with (friend) have been talking and we’ve been discussing me going over to visit her as we live considerably apart, which would imply me stay at her apartment. We talk on and off and on more than one occasion we’ve texted flirtatiously or so i think, like:
    She: It’s cold over here.
    Me: If i was up there i would help you warm up XD. Goodnight.
    She: Goodnight ;)
    Obviously i’m paraphrasing of course but it was just to show the general idea. And now i’m about to go and visit her, what do you think based on this limited info? Show i try phone sex with her?

  3. surtilala on May 11, 2014

    Ph. Sex is 21st. Century non sense

    • Nick Notas on May 13, 2014

      This doesn’t just apply to “phone” but Skype, Facetime, and the multitude of other ways we communicate remotely.