How to Give Yourself the Courage to Kiss a Girl

April 22nd, 2016 by Nick Notas 7 Comments


In my previous article, I tried to convince you why going for a kiss on dates is always the right choice.

Some of you thanked me for the insight and the perfectly-timed reality check. Others already knew deep down that you had to start consistently making a move, and not doing so was killing your dating opportunities.

But that still doesn’t necessarily solve the problem of how to actually do it. Because our anxiety often dictates the actions we take.

As much as I’d like to, I can’t be there with you on a date to push you to go for the kiss. You have to be the one to make that leap in the moment.

To help you do that, I’ve devised a set of ideas to help you gain the necessary courage to kiss the women you like.

Don’t masturbate beforehand

There’s nothing wrong with masturbation. But for most guys, masturbation kills motivation for the day. Once you’ve orgasmed, you just don’t have that same sexual drive to go out and be intimate with someone. Your sexual needs have been temporarily fulfilled.

So if you know you have a date coming up in a few days, I want you to be “hands off”. By doing so, you’ll be more excited to act on your sexual desires in the real world.

Accept that it’s healthy to show sexual interest

Before we even begin with advice for the date, we have to start with the right mindset. Because this is where men fail before they even try.

If you aren’t comfortable with your sexuality, it’s damn near impossible for a woman to be comfortable with hers around you.

You need to accept that it’s good to want sex with women you like. You have to understand that it’s healthy and you know what…women want it, too. Sometimes, even more than you.

Maybe you feel like you’re doing something wrong by making a move. Maybe you’re worried about getting rejected or making a woman feel “creeped out”. Or you just don’t want to come across as a pervert who only wants sex.

If you go to kiss a girl and she’s not into it, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You didn’t do anything wrong by showing your interest. It just means she wasn’t feeling the same way and you found out the truth sooner rather than later.

In fact, you still made the right move. Because going for that kiss is the only surefire way to know if she’s interested.

And there’s no way she’s going to think you’re a jerk unless sex is the ONLY thing you’ve been showing interest in. If you’ve been sharing stories and getting to know each other, that’s what women want in a romantic connection. They want the deeper, emotional connection and the intimate one.

Use small wins as a temporary confidence boost

Many men believe they need an obvious green light from a woman to kiss her. Unfortunately, like I spoke about in my last piece, you’re not usually going to get those clear signs. So you can’t rely on receiving them in order to decide to make a move.

The best thing to do is: start small.

It could be a compliment. It could be a playful tease. It could be light touching on her arm or back. It could be asking a very easy intimate question for her to answer.

If she takes your flirting well and even plays back a little — there’s your green light. Reassure yourself and think: “She’s into me and is open to a kiss.” You’re not going to get any more obvious clues.

Because if a girl’s okay with you flirting with her and she’s on a date with you, she’s probably interested! And if this is a second or third date, she’s almost definitely interested! A girl is not going to invest all that time in you and flirt with you otherwise.

Get turned on by her

Since anxiety isn’t rational, you can’t just tell yourself everything will be okay. It’s not as easy as just turning it off. It is a paralyzing feeling that you have to replace with a more empowering one — like arousal.

Most guys are so nervous that they just completely forget to feel excited about a girl they’re with. Or they just think about sex with her as a lofty concept – and even try to rid themselves of any sexual thoughts.

That’s the exact opposite of what you should be doing. You need to consciously practice getting turned on in the moment on dates.

I need you you to tap into that animalistic lust that’s within you. Think about the mindset you get into when you’re stripping off a girl’s clothes before sex. Or that rush of sexual energy when you’re watching a porn. You have to start looking at the women you’re on dates with through those same eyes.

Now of course, don’t make it obvious. But I want you to look at her like the beautiful, sexual being she is. And let that arousal overpower your nerves.

I want you to think about the curves on her body. I want you envision her supple skin and how incredible she looks under those clothes. Listen to the sound of her sensual voice and how erotic it sounds. Stare at her ass when she goes to the bathroom if you have to.

Whatever gets your mojo going, that’s what you need to do. I want you to be so horny that you feel like you’re going to explode if nothing happens. Because only then will it turn into an insatiable desire to do something about it then and there.

Let desire motivate you

I want you to desire incredible sex for yourself AND for her.

This is an incredibly powerful mindset. So many guys think about sex only for themselves. But I want you to be filled with desire to have hot, powerful sex that BOTH of you enjoy.

I want you to want to touch her and make her moan gently. I want you to think about how you’re going to go down and please her until her toes curl. I want you to want to tease her entire body until she’s so turned on that she grabs you to take her.

You need to let the desire to fuck her so well flood your imagination and drive you to kiss her. Because that is how you’re going to start making those things a reality.

When you let those feelings flood you, you will feel your anxiety melt away. You will accept your healthy desires and let them push you to take action. Your want for her has to be so strong you have no other choice but to kiss her.

Additionally, women sense that desire. They can see it in the way you carry yourself. In the way you speak. In the way you look at them. And the #1 thing that turns them on is being desired by a man they’re romantically interested in.

So not only will you gain the courage to kiss her but she’ll be that much more likely to passionately return that kiss.

  1. jedicloak on April 22, 2016

    Perfectly said! You can be kind, sensitive AND passionate! Keep speaking truth.

  2. Mark on April 22, 2016

    Hey Nick, Great points! I was definitely paralyzed by getting past that first kiss for years. I found a few things that helped me conquer 99% of the anxiety.

    First, I stopped making the kiss my first move. It’s like a Hail Mary pass. Sure it could work, but it’s better to string together a few smaller plays that are all less risky. I use a few of the following. Stand closer. Take opportunities to touch her. Hold her gaze longer. Complement her. Flirt. After I have done a few of these her reaction relaxes me.

    Second, I stopped thinking. I used to get into the whole “she’s close and looking right at me, I wonder if now is a good time for a kiss…ooops the moment has passed” over and over on the date. Now if I feel like kissing her, before I even think, I just do it. Look, she’s on a date with you, it’s not crazy to kiss her. Trust me, if you asked her out and she said yes, she is expecting a kiss, sooner or later
    She isn’t going to reject you just because it’s a little too soon. It dosent have to be a huge passionate kiss. A polite slow, short kiss on the lips will break the ice.

    I never wait till the end of the date. There is too much pressure and anticipation. Just get it out of the way earlier rather than later. Wouldn’t you rather spend half or all of the date after breaking the ice? Comfortable and touching as you talk and flirt? Unless you overdid the first kiss by a lot, it won’t be a problem.

    A kiss, unless you are shoving your tongue in her mouth, is more romance than sex. Girls love that. Kiss early. It shows confidence and crosses the line beyond friendship.

  3. Chris on April 25, 2016

    With all the vilifying of normal biological urges lately by overly aggressive feminists (there are plenty of feminists that are perfectly fine by the way), the typical under-confident mail could be excused for feeling a bit shy to make a bold move. Thanks for spelling it out how to get into intimate in a direct manner.

  4. Mike Goldberg on May 1, 2016

    Its easy to just say “don’t get nervous” but always in that moment you can’t turn off you fight or flight response, what are you supposed to do when its so automatic?

    • Mark on May 5, 2016

      Break the kiss down into smaller steps. A touch to the arm. A arm around the waist. A long look into the eyes. And if all else fails, just say “I feel nervous about our first kiss.” She will appreciate you sharing yourself and your thoughts.

  5. Michael on May 9, 2016

    I like what you’re doing here, Nick. The information you provide is very useful and seems to be on point.

    I would add when a woman is looking in your eyes then moves to your lips she’s ready to be kissed, but I’m sure you hinted at that when you mentioned flirting etc.