Holy Self-Defeating Excuses, Batman!

July 19th, 2011 by Nick Notas 3 Comments

You want a guaranteed way to fail at something? Set limits for yourself. Once you’ve decided you can’t do something in life, you’ve already lost the battle.

When it comes to dating, I’ve heard every damn excuse you could throw at me. Frankly, I’m tired of it. Every time you make an excuse, you’re just trying to protect yourself from facing your fears. How do you ever expect to grow and succeed without standing on the front lines?

I’ve decided to dispel the five most common excuses in dating I know of. My goal by the end of this is to leave you without a single reason to not go out and meet more women in your life.

“I’m too short.”

A friend of mine is 5’5” and one of the best guys I’ve ever seen with women. When girls meet, they don’t even notice his height because of how he carries himself with confidence. I’m only 5’8” and I used to worry about it all the time. I once asked him if he felt his height hurt his chances and he replied instantly with a genuine, “Hell no, man!”

From then on, I’ve stopped stressing about my height and realized it didn’t make any difference. In fact, many of the girls I’ve dated are tall (my GF is 5’7”) and with heels are taller than me. Guess what? They love it. Women want a guy who believes in himself, has a great sense of humor, and makes them feel incredible. That’s what matters.

“I’m too poor.”

For the majority of years I went out, I was broke. I drove a 1999 beat up Civic and saved money by pre-gaming before hitting the bar. Never did I have a girl look at me and say, “Oh my god, you’re too poor for me!” The girl won’t care if you don’t.

For that rare chance that a woman cares so much about your wallet, she’s not the girl you want to date. Being a sugar daddy to a gold digger is not the healthy dating experience I’d advise.

“I’m too overweight.”

Think a big guy can’t get a gorgeous woman? Read my article here. That dude was large and had one of the most beautiful wives I’ve ever seen. It single-handedly changed my perspective on what was possible in the dating world.

If you’re a bigger guy, don’t wear baggy clothes – it does not make you look better. Find a nice fitted shirt and pull off that stylish “I’m a boss” look. Check out William Shatner, that’s what you want to go for.

On a side note, it doesn’t hurt to lose a few pounds and get in shape either. It’s not just for appearance, your energy and overall health are extremely important. Take a look at my newbie’s guides for a simple start: here and here.

“I’m too young/old.”

Here’s the great thing about being a guy…your age doesn’t matter. You can be 25, 35, 45, and even 55 and still date amazing women. If you’re young (18-21) talk to girls around your age group, there’s plenty. And if you’re older, your dating pool can actually increase. A guy I worked with is 53 and regularly dates women in their mid to late 20’s. He’s the older, distinguished gentleman and the ladies can’t keep their hands off of him.

“I’m not good enough.”

This is the weakest excuse I know. Becoming exciting, fun, and confident is simply a matter of experience – like riding a bike. Don’t let your insecurities keep you from showing her your best self. You need to learn how to be comfortable opening up and expressing yourself in positive, attractive ways.

Every person I’ve coached has struggled with these issues at one point or another, myself included. I didn’t start off with social and romantic competence but I developed it along the way. I pushed myself, got pro-active, and broke through it. The only way to do it is by getting into the real world and expanding your comfort zone. There are no shortcuts.

So what’s your excuse now?

  1. Betim on May 4, 2012

    Damn, I loved the last sentence: “So what’s your excuse ?”, thank you for this great article man, keep up the great work you’re doing, helping us guys understand how these things work.
    Kudos to you my friend.

    • Nick Notas on May 4, 2012

      You’re very welcome sir — I’m happy you’re enjoying my articles. Take care!

  2. Sean on October 29, 2014

    I appreciate this site (just discovered it today). I’m 5’4 and divorced about a year and looking to enter the dating world. I married young and never was very experienced with women before that. I’ve been talking to a woman who’s placed me in the friend category which has hurt quite a bit. The good thing is your articles have showed me what I was doing wrong from day one. Could have used this month’s ago. 🙂 Thanks for the insight.