Do’s and Don’ts For Your Online Dating Profile

December 12th, 2014 by Nick Notas 5 Comments

Looking_At_Your_Profile

When most men write their online dating profile, they go about it the wrong way.

They pen a factual biography that details their life story. They create a resume that only focuses on their skills and accomplishments. Or they write a sales pitch trying to convince women why they should choose them.

All three of these methods fail spectacularly. Instead, you have to understand that the real purpose of your online profile is…

Marketing yourself. Therefore, your goals should be to…

  1. Build interest. We all want the best for ourselves and women are no different. They’re looking for a guy who’s going to improve the quality of their life – whether that’s through adventure, emotional / sexual fulfillment, or status.

    Show your value. You don’t need to brag or prove yourself, but give her an engaging inside scoop. Detail your quirky hobbies, tell your hilarious stories, and talk about your passions.

  2. Make her feel good. A woman’s #1 fear about online dating is having to endure an intense meet-up with a jerk or a stalker. So if you can make a woman smile, laugh, or even relax — you’ll put her mind at ease.

    Embody the emotions you want her to feel, we are reciprocative by nature. Have a positive attitude. Don’t be judgmental. Be playful  and don’t take yourself so seriously.

I know that doesn’t always come naturally. So to help you hit these goals, here’s a list of do’s and don’ts to help evaluate your own profile. 

Do… 

Spell check and review your grammar! Why is it that I can click onto any profile and find a handful of mistakes? You are sabotaging your chances. Many women instantly close out of a poorly written profile.

Break up your paragraphs to make them more readable. 3-5 sentences per paragraph maximum. 

Get to your point quicker. Trim out all filler words and redundant statements. Be succinct. Remove all irrelevant details which don’t show value or evoke emotion.

I just saw this on a profile, “It really depends who is available that Friday night but usually I will be drinking Whiskey at someone’s house or my house with whoever is there.”

Do she care who’s available? Do you need to restate “that Friday night” when it’s obvious from the profile section header? Does it matter which house you’re at? 

Why not just say, “sipping Macallan Scotch with friends.”? It’s concise while specific and also shows you appreciate fine liquor.

Include your successful career or high income (if it’s part of the questionnaire). I know you’re nervous it will attract “gold diggers”, but many quality women desire a driven, successful partner. You can always filter out the wrong people later. Be excited about what you’ve accomplished.

Be an individual. Get specific about who you are. Every other profile has something like, “I exercise often, hang out with my friends, and do outdoor sports.” Great, you just described a million other men. Show me how you’re unique from all the guys who says the same shit.

Tell me how you go Bachata dancing twice a week. Share how you sit by the beach bonfire with friends talking about the existence of alien lifeforms. Let me know about your annual weekend getaway to ski in the Rocky Mountains.

Paint a picture of your lifestyle so she can envision how awesome life would be with you. Also, the more detail you have, the easier it is for her to find something to comment on when responding to your message.

Give more than just factual information. Sharing your unique experiences and hobbies is a solid start. But this can be further improved by expressing your feelings and motivations behind them, too. 

For your activities / hobbies …

Why do you do the things you do? Why are they important to you? Why did you originally get into them? How do you feel during them? 

For your personality…

Stop TELLING girls what kind of man you are with, “I’m adventurous, open-minded, and love to laugh.” That couldn’t be any more bland or uninspired. SHOW them instead. Make a joke, share a brief story that showcases those qualities, or flesh out your emotional thought process.

“I’ll try anything twice…except those chocolate grasshoppers I had in Vietnam…once was more than enough. Getting my daily news from various sources helps me understand other people’s viewpoints. I may or may not have passed out from laughing so hard one too many times.”

Mix up your sentence structure. Starting every phrase with “I” is not engaging. “I recently went to Macau. I bungee jumped off the Macau tower and I’ll never forget it. I can’t wait to check out Italy next!” is repetitive and boring.

“My recent trip to Macau was breathtaking. Bungee jumping off the Macau tower and soaring through the air is a moment I’ll never forget. Next stop, Italy!” See how much more colorful and interesting that sounds?

Include a few sentences about what you find attractive or value in someone. Having standards shows you’re not desperate. It makes women want to win YOU over and also screens out women who aren’t compatible.

Speak proudly about your family, if they’re important to you. That could include your parents, siblings, pets, or children. In almost every study, family men rank as very attractive to women. Just don’t go on about your mother being the center of your universe, Norman Bates style.

Explain how your job benefits others in a relatable way. Help them understand the value you provide and again, give them more than just the facts. Don’t simply say, “I’ve been practicing cosmetic dentistry for the last 10 years. I fix teeth through a variety of methods.” 

Instead try, “My job is to fix kid’s chipped teeth so they don’t get picked on at school. I also make people confident to smile for their wedding photos and memories. Every day I’m showing people how the dentist doesn’t have to be scary.”  

Don’t… 

The best secret ever 

Rant about things you hate. You might think it makes you seem cultured or passionate. In reality, you just seem like an angry, cynical man. No woman is excited to deal with that. They want to hang out with a guy who will make their life happier and less stressful.

Say anything like, “Please don’t waste my time.” or “Don’t message me if you’re crazy — I’ve dealt with that enough already.” I understand you’re trying to attract serious, healthy women. But all this is does is again make you sound bitter and have people question why you had all those negative experiences. Also, being hostile towards the opposite sex is the surest way to have women run away.

Talk about how your profile is still under construction. Or say “I’m terrible at these summaries.” or “This is still a work in progress.” You’re adding no value to yourself. In fact, you’re conveying that you aren’t creative. Either remove the parts that are unfinished or keep revising until you have a better profile. 

Swear excessively. Once or twice to show passion or enthusiasm for something is great. Anything more is vulgar and intense.

Use emoticons or exclamation points in excess, either. Too many make you sound fake or like you’re trying to compensate for a lack of excitement or energy. One, maybe two of each is plenty. 

Include low income or how you don’t have a job. You will unnecessarily filter yourself out from a lot of women who would be interested in you if given the chance.

Explain your shortcomings or draw attention to them. Most guys do this through self-deprecation or trying to convince others why their limitations shouldn’t matter. Stop joking about your Mr. Clean head or how your accent isn’t that heavy.

If you focus on your insecurities, others will see it as a problem, too. Stick to your strengths instead.

Lie about your age or appearance. This is something up to 80% of people do already. Yeah, you may be able to fool some people onto first dates that they might not have gone on otherwise. But I’ve never seen those first dates turn into anything more. You’re initiating a connection with dishonesty and the other person knows they can’t trust you.

Be timid or uncertain. Get rid of everything like, “I think most people would find me…”, “I’d like to consider myself as…”, or “…at least I think I am” Just say what you think you are. Women are attracted to men who know themselves.

Beg for them to give you a chance (selling yourself). This commonly shows up as “If you hang out with me just once, you’ll see how great I am.” Or “I promise you’ll have a good time if you give it a shot.”  If you’re so great and fun, you need to express that through your profile content so she can realize it for herself.

Tell her to message you if she likes you. Never say stuff like, “Message me if you like what you see.” or “Ask me more and you’ll find out.” This puts her in the position of choosing you. Once again, if she likes what she sees in your content, that’s enough to make her excited to message you or respond back. 

Position yourself as anything other than a potential romantic prospect. The vast majority of women in online dating are looking for intimate partners, not friends. You are not their new BFF, their city guide, or the guy who can always lend a helping hand.

Get too gushy or deep about finding your soulmate. Most people are eventually looking to find a great fit or to experience love. Conveying how you just need that one person to snuggle with, sit by the fireplace every night, or to love for eternity is intimidating off the bat. A woman wants to get to know you first, not worry that you’re going to pressure her into being your girlfriend 30 minutes into a first date. 

Talk about stuff you haven’t attempted or are at least working towards. Talk is cheap. Saying, “I might consider…” or “I hope to try X in the future.” sounds like you won’t do these things or are just bullshitting. Tell me what you already do or what you have done in the past. Or at least talk about your upcoming plans in a concrete way, “Next year I’m going to open my own design business so I can work from anywhere in the world.”

Be overly sexual. You know I’m all about embracing and expressing your sexuality. But women are bombarded by lude messages, dick pics, and nude photo requests constantly. Implying you have a huge penis, that you’re good with your tongue, or that you “go hard” in bed comes off as a horny perv. She wants to know that you’re interested in more than just orgasming.

You can try to be subtle like, “learning to move my hips in salsa has helped me in more ways than one.” Otherwise, save it for after a few flirtatious messages or when things heat up on a date.

Now I do have to be honest and set some expectations.

However amazing your profile is, you won’t get dozens of messages from women per week. No guy does and that’s the reality. A great profile may get a few messages weekly.

You still need to write engaging messages to women regularly to succeed. And that’s where your profile will help you the most.

Once a woman reads your message, she’ll often check your profile to decide if she should respond. An attractive profile can be the deal-maker that lands you a date.

  1. Grant on December 12, 2014

    Going along with the marketing theme, your first couple of sentences should be the strongest. They are your headline and will draw people in. Don’t give the entire backstory to where or who you are now, lead right into the juicy parts — your unique personality traits or interests and funny stories.

    • Nick Notas on December 12, 2014

      Great advice Grant! On average, you have about 8 seconds to hook people or they lose interest.

  2. Ronald Messier on December 12, 2014

    How do I say anything about family when all of mine has abandoned me after my mother died in 2010. Before she died I saw my niece,nephews and nephew-in-law. since her death they have all gone away. Even before her death I was estranged from my sister. I don’t want to lie and say everything is great between all of us. I wonder if this a RED flag against me.

    • Nick Notas on December 12, 2014

      Hey Ronald, some of us unfortunately are not close with our family. Many women are in the same position as you.

      Like in the article, if you don’t have a good relationship with them or don’t want to talk about it — that’s fine. It’s not a red flag against you.

  3. Kevin Brown on January 1, 2015

    Nice tips. I will definitely keep this tips in mind while creating a online dating profile. Being single since a long time maybe because of my ridiculous profile.