Build Confidence by Investing in Yourself
This guest post is by Anthony Myers of Muscle Class.
I never thought I would say it, but as I write this, I am dating the girl of my dreams.
She’s not famous, but she is gorgeous, and a much more beautiful girl than I thought I’d ever be able to date.
She wouldn’t believe it if I told her, but just a few short years ago, I wouldn’t have even had the balls to ask her for her name.
In fact, she specifically told me that she loved how confident and comfortable I was since the first night that I met her. She remembers how I approached her like it was no big deal, how I walked into her apartment, fell back onto the couch, and relaxed like I owned the place. I also had a habit of pulling her onto my lap as she walked past, or picking her up and kissing her immediately after walking through her apartment door.
As I reflect on it, it is pretty crazy to think that a few short years ago I was:
- Overweight from chasing a career as a professional PC gamer.
- Only able to date girls in my social circles.
- Unpopular in high school.
- Struggling with a scarcity mentality towards women — I was afraid to lose the girl I did have, which lead to me putting up with a lot of things I shouldn’t have.
So, what changed? I got my ass to the gym.
I’ve read more books, articles, and watched more videos on dating, pick-up, relationships, body language, and psychology than I care to admit. Yet if a close friend or family member were to come to me for advice on getting girls, the first thing I would recommend they do is to start working out.
It’s the simplest way to really change who you are. In less than one year, you can be a completely new person — a better version of you.
There’s the physical aspect, of course:
- Clothes will fit you better.
- As you build muscle and lower your body fat percentage, not only will your body look better, but your face will appear more masculine, showing a more defined jaw line that was once hidden under a small layer of neck fat.
- You will stand out from the crowd in a good way. When I go out, I see only a handful of guys that care about their body. Three to five days a week of 45 minutes – 1 hour in the gym will get you more female attention than reading any pickup course.
- The compliments start to pour in when you really shape up. I’ve got game, but my girlfriend still insists it was my arms that turned her on at first sight.
- The results influenced other physical areas, too. I didn’t care much about trimming my nails, staying well groomed, keeping a clean haircut, and wearing well fitting clothes until I started to workout. I figured “No sense in half-assing it. The muscles look nice, might as well tidy the rest up.”
- You will be able to last longer in bed.
Most importantly, the physical improvements I made led to mental improvements. I was beginning to like who I was and naturally developed confidence.
When I was in middle and high school, I was afraid to even raise my hand. My voice trembled if the teacher forced me to talk. I thought nobody liked me.
I was very envious of the popular kids. I wanted to know what it was like to be in their shoes. They seemed so happy, so comfortable in their own skin, like they knew everybody liked them and if they didn’t, they were crazy. I wanted to experience that.
I can say with 100% honesty that getting fit and becoming healthy has made me comfortable in my own skin. In the past I would get very easily embarrassed and usually just try to keep quiet. Now, I talk to strangers everywhere I go – whether it’s the couple in front of us at the theatre before the movie starts, or the people in the booth next to us at a restaurant. I talk to everyone without fear that they will not like me – because I like me.
[Nick’s note: Keep in mind as Anthony says here, working out is about the mental confidence you gain by challenging yourself and achieving your goals. The aesthetics and compliments you get from others are added bonuses. While there’s nothing wrong with training for looks, your primary goal should always be for yourself.]
It’s also helped me in my career. I’ve become pretty much fearless of job interviews, and I was recently put in a position within the company I work for where it’s my job to build relationships with people. My boss specifically told me “You’ve got a good personality, people like you, I think you’d do good building relationships for the company.”
So now it’s in my job description to call up strange people that own 7-8 figure businesses and show up alone to other states. I sit in on business seminars and create connections with the other attendees.
I can’t express how huge this is for me. To say I’m stepping out of my comfort zone by doing those things is an understatement. I considered myself lower value than 8th grade football jocks at one point in my life for God’s sakes, and now I’m completely comfortable talking to somebody that generates a million dollars a month – all while not feeling above or below this person.
Everybody has a fear of rejection. But when you genuinely love yourself and like what kind of a person you are becoming, it’s easy to convince yourself that a stranger would want to get to know you, too. That fear becomes smaller the more you love who you are.
That’s what getting in shape did for me. I liked the body I was building, I enjoyed the compliments I was getting for staying consistent in the gym and eating clean. I realized I was doing something that wasn’t easy and not everybody had the willpower to do.
I felt like if I could do this, I could do anything.
And when you feel like you can do anything, approaching a woman is easy.
Anthony Myers is a bodybuilding writer and enthusiast. His latest articles can be found on his blog, Muscleclass.com where he provides straight forward, easy to understand muscle building and fat loss strategies. If you’d like to make a transformation like Anthony, and build confidence-boosting muscle, be sure to download your free copy of his $77 Lean Muscle Building Blueprint.