5 Practical Ways to Build a Great Social Life

October 8th, 2013 by Paul Sanders 3 Comments

Freaks and Geeks Crew

We don’t just want great dates and great sex. We also long for a social life that’s fun and interesting.

If you make the right friends, they’ll not only introduce you to other cool people (including potential dates), but they’ll also give you access to their lifestyles.

When a girl sees that you’re surrounded by people who care for you, support you, and make your life more fun, she’ll want to be a part of it. She’ll realize that you’re a high value man with a lot to offer — and you won’t be depending on her to fill your schedule.

I’ve spent several years learning the skill of meeting and making friends, even though I was very shy at first. It’s easier than you think: here are five techniques that’ll help you along the way.

Know What Kind Of Friends You Want In Advance

Before you spin your wheels trying to make new friends, spend a few minutes planning. List out the qualities of the kinds of people you want surrounding you.

This makes it easier and faster to find the right people. Some qualities to start with are: generous, interesting, fun, ambitious, honest, loyal, curious, and reliable.

As a rule of thumb, always slam the door on selfish people. Avoid people who don’t add any value and are always thinking “what’s in it for me?” or “what can I get out of this situation?” They are toxic to the social circles you build because they create drama and repel quality people away from your life. Learn from my mistakes and save yourself the pain.

Meet New People Regularly

If you want to build your social life, always be meeting new people. This is important because, to be realistic, not everyone you meet will become a good friend. You have to find the ones that will.

Go out to meet new people once or twice a month – and stick to it until it becomes habit. Focus on places where others are specifically there to meet new people. They will usually come alone or within smaller groups. Think of locations like trade shows, seminars, opening nights, galas, and cultural or charitable events.

Additionally, choose places where it’s easy, appropriate, and natural to walk up to anyone (male or female) and say: “Hi, my name is…” For example: networking events, private parties, and birthday parties.

Birthday parties are particularly special because they’re opportunities to meet your friends’ friends. You walk in with social proof to warm responses. You can meet their old friends, family, and colleagues…many of which can become new connections. You also deepen the relationship with someone when you call them on their birthday and come to their party.

You don’t have to meet everyone at the party, a few relevant people are better than a hundred useless business cards.

Become a Group or Club Organizer

This is probably the fastest way I know to make friends. I highly recommend it to people who just moved to a new city or want to completely refresh their social circles.

Join the organizing team of a community or club. By doing so, you put yourself in a place where you’re held accountable to socialize. It’s almost impossible for you to blow it off. It also makes people grateful for your help and recognize your value right off the bat.

The conditions are that it has to be a club or community with the kind of friends you want and they have to hold at least one social get-together per month. You can find such communities on Meetup.com or on interest-specific forums and groups.

Reach Out And Follow Up On A Weekly Basis

This will allow you to nurture and maintain new and old friendships in your life. Take one hour every week and do nothing but contact people: by phone, text, or Facebook. For existing friendships, you have to do this to keep the friendship going. For the new folks, the friendship doesn’t even get created if you don’t follow up from the start.

Don’t wait until you want to go out to contact people. You have to be in touch whether or not you’re going to meet them soon.

Block out one hour: put a reminder in your calendar and make it official. You can do it on a weekday right after work or school.

When it’s time to reach out to people, ask yourself questions like “Who should I contact?”, “Who do I want to meet in the coming days?”, and “Who did I meet recently and want to push the relationship further?” Your gut will remind you of who you should reach out to.

Introduce People To Each Other And Build Groups

Another great habit to pair with the “Reaching Out Hour” is to go out with friends (dates don’t count 🙂 ), at least once a week. You already have the advantage of being in contact with them, take that opportunity to suggest plans for the weekend. Even if it’s just one or two people, you don’t have to plan a big night out if you don’t want to.

It’s critical to think of your social life in terms of groups of friends, not just individual friends. Be a connector and bring different people together. This also makes it so you won’t have to be the only one initiating plans – they’ll do it for you. You’ll be included as part of a group and always have something to do.

As I said at the start, you can’t bring selfish people into the mix. They will always lower the value you’ve built in your social circle. Quality friends will be grateful to join and have a fun experience.

Paul SandersPaul Sanders helps people Overcome Shyness and Loneliness, Master Conversation and Social Skills, Make Friends, and Build a Social Circle. Learn more here: Free Social Skills Newsletter.

 

  1. Carl on October 9, 2013

    Paul, do you date within your social circle or do you keep that separate? There are a couple girl friends we’ve all hung out with for a while but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to pursue them.

    • Nick Notas on October 9, 2013

      Hey Carl,

      I can’t speak for Paul but I tend not to. That’s just my preference though. I’ve seen a lot of friendships and groups get broken up once/if things go sour.

      Instead, I have those friends introduce me to their friends and I do the same with anyone I know. I’ll also go out with the girls and meet new people together — women are the best social proof. I help them find interesting guys and they help me find great women. It’s a win-win for everyone.

    • Hi, I kinda agree with Nick on this,

      Here is how I see it:

      It’s okay to date within your social circle… but only if it’s big enough. What I mean is that you need to start by building a basic ‘close friends’ group, and don’t date the girls in it. And when you start connecting more and more people, you can start dating girls in your broad social circle.

      Like Nick said, having girls as close friends is very good social proof. It’s important to Never, Ever, Ever, make yourself look eager to date/sleep with a girl. As soon as you do that, you lower your status within the whole group.

      Another point is that you need to be a little more smoother in your dating technique, if you are to pursue women in your social circle. You need to stay in control, generate attraction, but never be too eager. Some girls will just want to test if you’re gonna fall for them. So my advice is to keep flirting smoothly and take your time.

      If you already have a girlfriend, keep in mind that she can be part of your social circle. Your larger circle won’t be too affected if you split up.

      I hope I’m being helpful…

      Good luck, Carl
      -Paul