Why Bad-mouthing Your Partner is a Huge Mistake

January 19th, 2017 by Nick Notas 5 Comments

Complaining couples

 

Earlier this year I had dinner with friends for some good, old-fashioned male bonding. And like many instances when friends get together…

They all complained about their significant others.

Many of their issues were minor; they were small annoyances that had built up over time. Some of them were frustrations that indicated greater underlying problems in the relationship.

At one point, a friend turned to me and asked, “How come you never say anything about your wife?”

I replied, “If something’s bothering me, I tell her. We’re not perfect and we have our own set of problems, but we always try to work through things together.”

I could see surprise and denial in his eyes. He believed me, but also believed that that wasn’t going to work for him.

When I asked if he’d talked about his concerns with his girlfriend, he said no. He made excuses like, “She’d never listen to me.” or “It’s been going on too long now and it would be awkward to bring up.”

Sadly, this is the attitude so many people have. They refuse to talk to their partners about their relationship problems and instead share their frustrations with friends and family.

I’m here to tell you that venting to other people about your partner is NOT a healthy practice. It’s inconsiderate, destructive, and only showcases your insecurity within the relationship.

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When You Should and Shouldn’t Try For Sex

January 12th, 2017 by Nick Notas 4 Comments

Let's get down to business!

 

Everybody wants sex.

(Okay, almost everybody. There are an estimated 1% of people who identify as asexual.)

But as for the rest of us, we all want to get down.

Even the people you’d least expect…

The shy guy who you think is so sweet and couldn’t possibly have a naughty mind. The religious girl who feels guilty about sex before marriage. The guy who grew up in a culture where flirting was frowned upon. The middle-aged soccer mom. Let me tell you – they’re all thinking about doing the horizontal shuffle.

So why is it so hard to admit? The truth is, many of us have deep-seated hangups about sex.

We feel wrong for desiring it. We feel perverted if we go after it. Then we feel cheap if we indulge in it too soon.

Because of these issues, we use sex as a way to manipulate or sabotage our chances for meaningful connections.

Sex should be seen as something beautiful and an exciting thing to look forward to. It should not be something to feel bad about or to hold over someone’s head.

So how do we develop a healthier relationship with our sexual desires? And how do we know the right time to have sex with someone?

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4 Important Lessons Embarrassing Dates Taught Me

January 4th, 2017 by Jason Connell 10 Comments

Girls Embarrassing Date Gossip

 

Today’s article is from my good friend Jason Connell. Jason has a rare gift: he makes people feel like the best version of themselves.

This skill has created amazing opportunities for him. Jason consults for millionaires, politicians, athletes, and professional entertainers. He’s dated models with Ivy League educations. And shortly after moving to Denver, Colorado, he established himself as the linchpin in an amazing circle of artists, entrepreneurs, and influencers.

In today’s post, Jason shares stories about some of his most embarrassing dates and what he learned from them.

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The New Year’s Resolution That Matters Most

December 28th, 2016 by Nick Notas 7 Comments

Pledging allegience

Everyone wants to be happy. But after reflecting on the hundreds of conversations I’ve had in 2016, something became quite clear to me…

A lot of people don’t feel happy on a day-to-day basis. And that’s devastating to me.

So, my goal is to make 2017 the year where you find lifelong happiness.

I know that sounds presumptuous. What the hell does a 29-year-old know about making you happy?

I’m not claiming I’ve singlehandedly made some amazing discovery — the path to happiness has been researched for millennia.

And everywhere you look, the advice always comes back to YOU.

Your self-respect. Self-reliance. Self-compassion. Self-acceptance.

Yes, the key to happiness is learning to fall madly in love with yourself.

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The No-Risk Method to Dating Mastery

December 15th, 2016 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Nothing can hurt me now!

 

We all know that practice makes perfect. And like anything else, working on your romantic skills will help you attract more people and build stronger connections.

The tricky part, though, is that practicing this stuff comes with high stakes.

When you’re learning something like piano, messing up is no big deal. You sound terrible for a second, get frustrated, and then try that chord again. But if you go talk to someone and make a fool of yourself, you have to deal with the potential face-to-face awkwardness and rejection.

And that’s why some guys read a TON of dating advice while not putting any of it into practice. They’re trying to hone their skills from a safe distance without having to endure any real-world pain.

Of course, they soon realize that all the reading in the world doesn’t replace genuine knowledge gained from experiences. They decide to avoid all social risk-taking and stay stuck in boring, platonic interactions or settle for no interactions at all.

Then, they accept that they just don’t have what it takes.

I hate to break it to you, but it’s impossible to improve your dating skills without trying new things that expand your comfort zone. That’s the only way to get better.

But what if I told you there was a way to practice AND minimize the odds of getting hurt?

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We All Need to Stop Flaking

December 1st, 2016 by Nick Notas 5 Comments

The Date is Cancelled

 

Hiding behind a device has made it INFINITELY easier for all of us to be, for lack of a better word, “flakes”.

I don’t mean flake as a judgment of someone’s character. I’m talking about anyone – guy or girl – who makes plans with people but then always cancels on them.

The flaking phenomenon has spread because we no longer have to cancel plans with someone face-to-face. We avoid the typical guilt we feel when backing out of a commitment and possibly hurting someone else’s feelings.

I can theoretically understand why some people never commit to dates in the first place. I can understand why they just ignore someone’s requests to meet up as a form of rejection. This way, they get to protect themselves from confrontation.

What I can’t understand are all the people making plans and then consistently flaking at the last minute. They string someone along and make excuses for why they suddenly can’t make the date.

It’s disrespectful, inconsiderate, and straight-up RUDE. And yet everyone’s doing it.

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A Woman May Be Your Perfect Wingman

November 17th, 2016 by Nick Notas 4 Comments

 

A lot of men tell me the hardest part of meeting women is not having a friend to go out with. They say…

All their friends are in a relationship or married. Or their buddies don’t like to go out to socialize and meet new people. Or, everyone they know is afraid to cold approach women.

It can be especially tough when moving to a new city and having to rebuild a social circle.

Few men want to approach women by themselves (even though their limitations are all in their head). And when they envision the perfect wingman, they only think of their guy friends.

Big mistake.

Because your FEMALE friends and acquaintances may be the best wingmen of all.

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How Much Permission Do You Need to Make a Move?

November 3rd, 2016 by Nick Notas 11 Comments

Permission denied

The idea of “getting permission” in dating has become a hot social topic the last few years. Many women are adamant that they would not allow someone to make a move on them without their explicit consent.

I’m not here to argue for sex without explicit consent.

However, this need for stated permission is being extended to almost every type of flirtatious advance. Want to touch her shoulder while telling a funny story? Better ask first. Want to kiss her at the end of the date? Have to warn her ahead of time.

And it’s not just women saying this – men are echoing it, too. So while I understand the boundaries they’re aiming for, I’m here to question if it’s really feasible…or even healthy.

Because a significant percentage of men DO wait and ask for permission. And they totally fail at dating.

From all my years of experience, I can safely say that waiting for permission for every little thing doesn’t work in courtship and leaves guys more frustrated and bitter than ever. Girls, too, lose out on meeting potential romantic partners.

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5 Things to Do When She Doesn’t Text You Back

October 27th, 2016 by Nick Notas 10 Comments

She won't text back

 

When I first started dating, nothing was more exciting than the rush of flirting with a new girl over text. It always felt like the start of something good.

I also remember that nothing was more nerve-racking than waiting for a reply. And waiting. And when she never replied at all — realizing that our connection was potentially dead in the water.

In hindsight, I spent WAY too much time stressing and analyzing my rollercoaster of emotions. I’d check my phone constantly, worry about whether or not I should send another text, and always wonder WHY…why is she not talking to me?

Ten years later, I now know that worrying about it was a waste of time. Unfortunately, there were no clear answers then and there are no clear answers now.

So when guys reach out to me asking, “Why didn’t she text back?” I can only make educated guesses about a woman’s motivations. There are countless reasons a girl goes MIA.

The point is, my advice will always be to…

Stop dwelling on the fact that she hasn’t responded. Instead, focus on a plan of action to get the conversation going again.

To give you the best shot, I created a simple framework to follow next time you don’t hear back from a girl you like.

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Stop Delaying Your Inevitable Breakup

October 13th, 2016 by Nick Notas 8 Comments

Couple unhappy together

 

Even though millennials are having less sex than past generations, there’s no denying we’re in a hookup culture.

Marriages are starting later and later. More men and women are opting not to have children. And a lot of people date around before ever deciding to get into a serious relationship.

Many may feel that this new dating game — full of casual sex and non-exclusive relationships — is the death of real “romance”.

But, guess what…I’m all for it (within reason, of course). I think that people are just becoming more independent, more open-minded, and less pressured to commit to the first person who likes them back.

Past generations were often rushed into relationships. They met fewer people in their daily lives and had to take what they could get. They felt significant religious, familial, and cultural pressures to settle down. And once they were married, they stuck it out…regardless of whether or not that person was good for them.

It’s healthy to make sure you’re not just settling and instead, choosing a compatible partner for the right reasons.

But some people are taking this too far by treating exclusive relationships like casual ones. They settle with someone they don’t consider long-term partner material out of convenience and break it off when they’re done with them or have found someone better.

If you do this, you’re being a dick.

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