How to Break Free From Feeling Helpless

January 29th, 2015 by Nick Notas 11 Comments

Helpless Man


When I began coaching, I expected people to come to me with all sorts of problems. 

But I never expected so many to tell me, “Nick, I feel totally stuck. I’ve tried everything but I just don’t have what it takes. My life is hopeless, so why should I bother trying?”

These people feel completely helpless in their lives. They feel like they have no control over achieving their goals or finding fulfillment.

The first time I heard this, it hit me hard. Because I remember how trapped and powerless I felt years ago. 

In the span of months, my dad had a heart attack and was forced to close our family restaurant. I had to drop out of college to support my family. My friends all moved to colleges out of state and my social circle disappeared. Then my girlfriend of two years dumped me.

It seemed like there was nothing I could do to stop the shit storm. I believed I was destined for unhappiness.

So I blamed myself. I blamed others. I wallowed in self-pity. For a long time, I did nothing and nothing changed.

I was experiencing a mindset called learned helplessness. And it kept me miserable and from getting what I wanted out of life.

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18 Exercises to Overcome Your Fear of Meeting People

January 21st, 2015 by Nick Notas 16 Comments

Nervous man approach anxiety

Everybody wants the ability to introduce themselves to someone they find attractive. Yet many of us struggle with this endlessly.

We have “approach anxiety” so deeply rooted that no one else can help us conquer it. Because the only proven way to crush our fears are through our own experiences.

You need to show your brain that…

  • You’re fully capable of approaching new people.
  • Many of them will respond positively and want to meet you. Even when some aren’t interested, they’re often flattered and polite.
  • Whatever happens, you will be just fine and stronger because of it.

A lot of people never learn to overcome approach anxiety because they believe they have to start with full approaches and full conversations. However, anything that pushes your comfort zone and gets you in front of new people is progress.

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The Cultural Movement That’s Destroying Dating For Everyone

January 14th, 2015 by Nick Notas 38 Comments

Anti Flirt Club

A client recently told me, “I’m scared, Nick. I’m scared that if I say ‘Hi’ to a new girl I’ll be a labeled as a predator.”

“C’mon man, that’s not going to happen.” I replied.

“Really? One of my female friends said that if a random guy even smiles at her, it’s sexual assault.”

I was speechless! But mostly, I was angry.

There’s a rapidly growing culture that promotes safe sex, consent, and healthier relationships for women. It seeks to empower women and I’m all for it.

However, this message is being misinterpreted and taken to extremes. It unintentionally condones complete female control while subtly shaming men for their natural sexual desires.

It’s really becoming an anti-flirting movement. 

And both men and women are perpetuating it and suffering because of it.

If we don’t put a stop to this school of thought, I worry it’ll be the death of healthy relationships.

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How to Save a Girl From a Bad Relationship

December 30th, 2014 by Nick Notas 8 Comments

Saving This Girl

I’ve heard the story dozens of times.

You like a girl who constantly complains about her horrible boyfriend. He does everything wrong.

He doesn’t listen. He doesn’t pay enough attention. He’s rude and can be a real jerk. 

You’re different, though. She tells you that you’re the perfect guy. You’re the one who’s always there for her. Sometimes, you may even be her cuddle buddy and take her out when her boyfriend doesn’t.

The answer is so obvious — she should be with you instead! You’re the guy who will treat her right, if only she could see that.

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9 Holiday Gifts That Make Life Better

December 17th, 2014 by Nick Notas 0 Comments

Every holiday season, we all have to accept gifts that we know we’ll never use. We smile, say thank you, but inside we’re really thinking, “What the hell am I going to do with this?”


But I believe with a bit of thought, the right gift can be thought-provoking and invaluable.

You can give someone a useful gift that they never knew they needed. You can give them something that improves their day-to-day routine. You can even change their life.

Here are my suggestions for holiday gifts that make our lives better.

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Do’s and Don’ts For Your Online Dating Profile

December 12th, 2014 by Nick Notas 5 Comments


When most men write their online dating profile, they go about it the wrong way.

They pen a factual biography that details their life story. They create a resume that only focuses on their skills and accomplishments. Or they write a sales pitch trying to convince women why they should choose them.

All three of these methods fail spectacularly. Instead, you have to understand that the real purpose of your online profile is…

Marketing yourself. Therefore, your goals should be to…

  1. Build interest. We all want the best for ourselves and women are no different. They’re looking for a guy who’s going to improve the quality of their life – whether that’s through adventure, emotional / sexual fulfillment, or status.

    Show your value. You don’t need to brag or prove yourself, but give her an engaging inside scoop. Detail your quirky hobbies, tell your hilarious stories, and talk about your passions.

  2. Make her feel good. A woman’s #1 fear about online dating is having to endure an intense meet-up with a jerk or a stalker. So if you can make a woman smile, laugh, or even relax — you’ll put her mind at ease.

    Embody the emotions you want her to feel, we are reciprocative by nature. Have a positive attitude. Don’t be judgmental. Be playful  and don’t take yourself so seriously.

I know that doesn’t always come naturally. So to help you hit these goals, here’s a list of do’s and don’ts to help evaluate your own profile. 

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Should You Even Try? (For That Girl or Guy)

December 3rd, 2014 by Nick Notas 8 Comments

Crystal Ball Man

When Hamlet contemplated life, he needed to answer the question, “to be or not to be?” But in romantic pursuit, we all struggle to answer, “to try or not to try?”

That is the question.

Every week you tell me about all kinds of situations…

“There’s a girl at my gym that I always see. Sometimes she even smiles at me. Should I approach her and introduce myself?”

“I’m friends with a guy that I’ve developed feelings for. Should I see if something’s there?”

“I’m 26 and there’s this 19 year old girl who seems into me. Should I invite her to hang out?”

“The barista at the coffee shop is always extra nice to me but he might just be friendly. Should I ask for his number?”

To you I say…

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Physical Attraction is Not Shallow

November 19th, 2014 by Nick Notas 11 Comments

Shallow Attraction

Why is there so much judgement towards the physical preferences of others?

We’re all guilty of it one time or another. Think about these scenarios…

  • A girl who has specific height requirements for suitors in her online dating profiles
  • A guy you like who always chooses blonde girls with big breasts instead
  • A girl who dates a perfect guy and breaks up with him because of his small penis size
  • A guy who only flirts with fit, athletic girls

What do you think of these people? How do their actions make you feel?

Are you angry that they could be so shallow? Do you feel disgusted with how superficial they are? Do they make you want to throw your hands up and say, “That’s why I think dating is such bullshit”?


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Becoming the Man Women Pursue

November 7th, 2014 by Nick Notas 21 Comments

Woman Chasing Man

I’ve noticed a trend among the guys I work with lately. They go on seemingly amazing dates only to never hear from the girl again. Or to hear, “I just didn’t feel any chemistry.”

I’m not even talking about desperate “nice guys”. These are genuine, respectful men who really like the girls they go out with.

I’ve also been speaking with more women about how they chase guys who treat them poorly. Guys who ignore them, act like assholes, or have proven to be serial cheaters. And sometimes, that only has the girl trying harder.

Because of this, I can see how a lot of guys come to the conclusion that women only date douchebags. I can see how “red pill misogynists” believe women are brainless sluts who just want to be dominated. I get how “pickup artists” spend so much time playing games and acting disinterested because they’re convinced that’s what all women want.

I don’t agree with any of this but I get how it all makes sense in their minds. I understand how their reference experiences seem to prove it.

But I don’t think that’s what’s really happening. When asked, few women say, “I just love being treated like shit!” So what’s the real psychology behind this?

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How to Remain Dignified While Being Rejected

October 23rd, 2014 by Nick Notas 20 Comments

Wolverine Explosion


I looked around the club and saw her. She had tanned skin, tall black boots, and danced hypnotically with her girl friends.

I had to meet her.

A dozen guys stood around the room, holding their drinks and leering. No one had the guts to go up to the group of girls.

I wanted to be the guy to do it. With the help of some liquid courage, of course.

I downed my drink and walked towards her. My legs felt like jello with every step. I stopped in front of her, smiled, and said, “Hey.”

She gazed into my eyes and returned a smile. Her friends listened closely.

I thought to myself, Yes, Im in!

But almost immediately, her smile warped into a sneer. She said,

“Do you even like women?”

She was insulting me, questioning my sexuality. And it wasn’t in a playful, challenging kind of way.

(Being honest though, I did dress a little metrosexual back then.)

I tried to hold my ground and replied, “Damn right I do.”

She snickered and in an exaggerated tone said, “Suuure you do. Please, you wouldn’t even know what to do with a real woman.”

Before I could get in another word, she turned around and started laughing. Her friends joined in.

There I stood, rejected, with a group of girls mocking my misfortune and a room full of guys watching it all go down.

I was devastated. I was humiliated. And I was furious. I wanted to say something that made her feel like shit — just like I did.

Instead, I walked away with my fists clenched and left to another bar. Later that night, I met a sweet girl who I immediately hit it off with.

That was one of the worst rejections I’ve faced over the years. As awful as it may have seemed, I’m glad I handled it with dignity. Because it’s choices like those which have allowed me to become a stronger man even from the most horrible rejections.  

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